


The Shape that I'm in

by Marauderette



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Domestic Violence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Harry Styles-centric, Harry-centric, Multi, POV Louis, Panic Attacks, Past Abuse, Physical Abuse, Sad Harry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-12
Updated: 2018-06-03
Packaged: 2019-05-05 17:59:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14624064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marauderette/pseuds/Marauderette
Summary: Louis is content with his life. Sure, he has a thesis to write and money isn't really flowing, but overall he really can't complain. Through Zayn, one of his best friends, he meets Harry and is instantly intrigued. The younger boy seems closed off, trying desperately to keep it together and Louis vows that he'll do whatever is in his power to help him.This story probably won't have a main pairing. POVs might change. Trigger warnings for some chapters. I like Angst. A lot.





	1. Chapter 1

Louis has a serious decision to make. Either he is going to stay in, meaning he will just laze around the flat watching crappy TV by himself or he is going to go to the pub twenty minutes away to meet his friends, knowing he will have to travel there and back again. If it were up to him, his friends would just come over. That way they could also get drunk in a cheaper and saver environment. Liam had laughed at him when he suggested it. Apparently the flat is too small for ten or so people and actually going out and being in a pub is ‘part of the fun’. Louis wasn’t always this lazy but he has been juggling his thesis and work at the same time and it isn’t fun. He deserves to feel some self-pity, thank you very much. Liam seems to disagree though.  
  
‘You decided to procrastinate, don’t make your friends suffer because of it,’ Liam says with a smile that, to other people, makes him look innocent and like a decent human being. Louis knows better, though. The puppy smile is deceitful, Liam is enjoying this a bit too much.  
  
‘I wasn’t procrastinating. I had different priorities,’ he tries to argue but he knows he’s already lost. He is going out tonight, whether he wants to or not.  
  
‘Just get ready, Lou. We’re leaving in ten.’  
  
‘I am ready’  
  
‘You’re wearing sweatpants.’  
  
‘I’m not trying to impress anybody.’  
  
‘There’s a stain on your shirt.’  
  
‘If I meet my one true love tonight, he’ll love me for who I am.’  
  
‘Fine,’ Liam says, Louis is way too stubborn sometimes but Liam has his ways, ‘Let’s go then. But if you do meet what would be your one true love tonight and he rejects you because he finds out you’re a slob before anything else, don’t come complaining to me.’  
  
‘You used to be more fun, Liam.’  
  
‘You used to do your laundry every once in a while.’  
  
‘You used to support me in everything I did’  
  
‘And you used to shower daily. Now go get ready.’  
  
With a huff Louis gets up and does as he is told and not five minutes later they are on their way to the pub. Louis won’t admit it but he is glad Liam made him go. He is also glad Liam made him change. It was easy to not care while at home, wrapped in a blanket, but the fresh air and the busy street give him some perspective.  
  
Most of their friends are already at the pub but it seems like they had also just arrived since the table holds no beverages yet.  
  
Niall jumps up to greet them, his bouncing energy infectious as always. The rest of the group stays seated but it also becomes clear that Niall is just ready to order some drinks.  
  
‘Finally you’re here! I’m getting the first round. A pint sound good?’  
  
‘Perfect.’ Louis answers at the same time as Liam says ‘Need any help?’  
  
Niall nods and Liam and him go off to the bar. Louis finds an empty spot next to Perrie and Nick and squeezes in between them.  
  
‘How’s it going guys?’ he asks the table and then turns to Perrie, ‘Where’s Zayn?’  
  
‘Oh he’s running a bit late, he’s still with a friend’ the blonde answers and Louis shrugs.  
  
‘His loss. How is the shop going?’  
  
Perrie is running a little online shop where she sells hand crafted jewellery. In the beginning it had been more of a hobby, something she did next to studying to get some extra cash but demand had gone up in the past year or so.  
  
‘It’s going really well. I’m thinking about expanding. I don’t think I can do it from my kitchen table anymore so I need a bigger space. And I also don’t want to have to rely on Zayn’s help too much anymore. He’s busy with his work, so I’m looking into hiring an assistant.’ Perrie happily announces and Louis grins at her widely.  
  
‘That’s amazing, Pez. I’m really happy for you.’  
  
‘Thanks, it’s a bit overwhelming but even my parents think that I should take the risk.’  
  
‘The highest of approvals, not bad,’ Nick chimes in.  
  
‘It is, indeed.’  
  
Perrie is grinning from ear to ear, her cheeks slightly flushed and Louis is proud of her. She is just amazing on so many levels and even though Zayn has always been their connection, Louis started loving her as a person rather than just as Zayn’s girlfriend a long time ago. He wants to tell her this cause he feels like he hasn’t been sappy with her in a while but her phone goes off before he has the chance.  
  
‘It’s Zayn, I better take this outside’ she excuses herself and picks up the phone while getting up.  
  
‘Oh, young love,’ Nick sighs, grabbing his chest dramatically. Louis snorts and falls into conversation with the tall brunette.  
  
Nick and him study together, they had hit it off during first year due to a mutual hatred for one of the lecturers and never stopped being friends. After all, there are many more lecturers that needed gossiping about. Their conversation is interrupted by Niall’s unmistakable, booming voice.  
  
‘Oi! Make way! Phones off the table, beer’s here!’  
  
Louis can see Liam shake his head in an amused way as he places four pints next to the ones Niall had been holding.  
  
‘Perfect timing!’ Niall says and Louis turns around to see Perrie get back to the table.  
  
‘Nice! Thanks guys. Zayn’s not coming, he’s staying in.’  
  
‘What? No way! We decided ages ago that we’d go out today. He can’t just bail,’ Louis says grumpily. He had looked forward to seeing Zayn again, lately they’ve kept missing each other. Liam raises one eyebrow.  
  
‘You realise that you were also gonna skip, right?’ he asks incredulously.  
  
‘Yeah, well, that’s different. I’m busy.’  
  
‘You were gonna watch TV.’  
  
‘When did you become a back stabber, Liam?’  
  
‘When did you become whiny?’  
  
‘When did you decide to take Zayn’s side over mine?’  
  
‘When did you-’  
  
‘Guys!’ Josh interrupts with a grin, ‘Let’s start drinking, shall we?’  
  
‘Ah, Josh, my man. Always got my back!’ Niall exclaims and raised his pint. The others follow suit and thus the evening officially starts.  
  
Three pints in, Louis can’t not stop giggling. He has always been a bit of a light weight, not that he ever complains about it, it just meant that he has to spend less money on the same amount of fun. Gigi is whispering stuff into his ear and he swears that it is the funniest combination of words he has ever heard. Gigi is a comical genius, for sure.  
  
‘Sofia is just waiting for Liam to ask her out. But he’s too much of a gentleman to actually do it. She says that if he doesn’t do it soon she will ask him out.’  
  
Louis suppresses a laugh. ‘He would never be able to let that go,’ he says.  
  
‘Of course not, you wouldn’t let him,’ Gigi replies and she is definitely right, Louis decides, Liam is the best person to make fun of.  
  
He looks over at Liam to see him talking to Sofia. His facial expression is serious but his eyes look like they are about to pop out and the right one twitches from time to time. This is Liam when drunk. He always tries his best to seem in control but by doing so looks like he is trying really hard to fart. Louis tells Gigi this and now it’s her turn to start giggling. Gigi is one of the best people to get drunk with in Louis’ opinion. They’re not super close but she usually tags along when it’s a group outing and she is always up for some fun and light chatting.  
  
‘What’s so funny?’ Nick asks and Louis nods his head toward Liam.  
  
‘Ah, yes, the classic _I’m in control and no one can tell me otherwise _. Beautiful, really.’__  
  
Liam seems to notice that he has three people staring at him, he looks up, raises his pint and cheers them. Gigi and Nick answer in the same manner but when Louis tells him to ‘just let it happen naturally, don’t force it’ Gigi chokes on her beer and starts coughing heavily.  
  
‘Jesus, Louis. Are you trying to kill her?’ Nick laughs while patting Gigi on the back firmly. Louis, however, doesn’t even bother looking apologetic. Liam just shakes his head and returns his attention to Sofia who had been watching the exchange with an amused expression.  
  
The night slowly fizzles out and most of them already left earlier but when Gigi calls it quits at around two in the morning Louis, Liam and Nick agree that it is probably time to go home too.  
  
‘You wanna sleep over at ours?’ Louis offers Nick, who smirks in return and nods. Liam groans.  
  
‘Just keep it down, please.’  
  
‘For you always, Liam,’ Louis answers while Nick just winks at him.  
  
Together they make their way home and Louis can’t help but smile. He is satisfied with how the evening turned out, happy, that Liam had forced his decision to go out with them.


	2. Chapter 2

Louis is lounging on the couch, finishing up a FIFA match on his PlayStation with Liam sat next to him. They had enjoyed a relaxed morning after Louis has made some big progress on his thesis during the last couple of days. It feels nice to just relax for a bit without constant guilt feasting on his stomach. Louis is about to propose a match when he notices Liam looking up from his phone with a frown.

‘What’s up?’

‘Nothing. Just… have you seen Zayn lately?’

‘Uh. No. Not really, I think he’s been busy. Perrie mentioned something about work the other day,’  
Louis responds, putting away his controller for a bit.

‘Hmm.’ Liam is still frowning but isn’t offering anything else.

‘Why? What’s wrong?’

‘I don’t know. It feels like he’s avoiding me. Every time I propose to have coffee or dinner or just a chill afternoon he can’t make it.’ Liam says and then adds ‘and I don’t think it has to do with work.’ Now it’s Louis’ turn to frown ‘Has he given you any explanation?’

‘No, that’s the thing. He just says that he’s with a friend but it just feels like he’s spending all of his time with them.’

‘Aw, Liam. I didn’t know you got jealous!’

‘I’m not jealous. I just don’t get why he can’t leave this friend for like one hour or so’

‘Have you told him that?’

Liam didn’t answer and Louis raises his eyebrows.

‘Maybe you should just tell him then. He might not even realise. Just invite him over now. We can make pancakes for lunch,’ Louis suggests. Liam nods and starts writing a message.

Ten agonisingly slow minutes later, a ding notifies Liam of a received new message and Louis pauses the game that they have been playing with only half of their attention.

‘He’s coming over in ten, he says he’s sorry’ Liam immediately says, looking quite relieved.

‘Told you so, now get back to the game, maybe we can still turn this around.’

True to his word, Zayn rings the doorbell just a while later. While Louis opens the door to greet him, Liam goes into the kitchen to gather the ingredients for pancakes.

‘Man, you look rough,’ are Louis’ first words when he sees Zayn walk in. The dark haired boy has bags under his eyes and his hair is strangely flat. Louis realises after a second that this is because it’s not styled and he tries to remember the last time he’s seen Zayn look like this. He seems a lot younger, Louis muses, and he wonders what has brought on this change in looks. 

‘Thanks, haven’t slept much,’ Zayn answers grumpily. If there is one thing Zayn can’t do without, it is sleep – much to Perrie’s dismay.

‘Why’s that? Work keeping you up?’

‘Something like that,’ Zayn says ambiguously and Louis shrugs. He’ll get it out of Zayn later.

‘Liam is preparing the batter. We’ll have pancakes in no time.’

‘Awesome!’ Zayn says genuinely excited and he follows Louis into the kitchen.

‘What’s up, Li?’ 

‘Ah, Zayn! How you doing? We’ve got orange juice in the fridge’ Liam gives a nod toward the fridge and Zayn immediately grabs himself a glass and some juice.

Liam soon starts baking the pancakes and Louis and Zayn happily accept the fact that Liam’s need to be in control when drunk also reflects on his style of cooking. They have long learnt that he will accept no help from either of them so instead of even offering they sit down and wait for the pancakes to be done and served. Louis makes a decision, then, to confront Zayn. Confronting people is his second nature, really, so no one should be surprised. He – usually – does it with his heart in the right place, though, not intending to hurt but to help.

‘So, Zayn, care to explain why you’ve been neglecting poor Liam here?’ Louis asks with a grin.

‘Thanks, Louis. Way to bring it up,’ Liam says with a groan but Louis can tell that he is eager to hear the answer. Liam is just too polite to ever bring things like this up. Him and Louis also form a great balance when it comes to confronting people. Whereas Louis has no issue whatsoever with it, Liam likes to keep the peace. They have joked multiple times that this is why they work so well together and Louis swears that if Liam were gay they’d be a couple. ‘No way’ Liam had replied when Louis told him this ages ago, ‘I don’t think anyone will ever be able to tie you down, you like your freedom too much’ and maybe – probably – that's true, but Louis wouldn’t be himself if he hadn’t disagreed and dreamily said ‘but Liam, you will always be my one exception.’ Liam had left it at that with an eye roll.

‘Ah, I’ve just been busy I guess,’ Zayn says and Louis can tell that he is desperately trying to avoid the topic of his unusual absence just as much as he is avoiding to look either of them in the eye.

‘Yeah. With your mysterious friend. Who is he anyway?’ Louis says, unwilling to let it go. It is possible to say a lot about Louis but not that he won’t do everything he can in order to ensure that his friends are fine. Sometimes, while doing that, he could get a bit overprotective so that’s why Liam jumps in again.

‘Louis,’ he says in a warning tone and then turns to Zayn, ‘It’s fine. Genuinely. I was just a bit surprised. We hardly get to see you anymore.’

Zayn looks a bit guilty and, whether it is to avoid having to immediately answer or because he id actually just hungry, takes a bite of his pancake.

‘And, you know, your friend is always welcome to come here. You know that, right?’ Liam adds as an afterthought. Zayn sighs.

‘I know. It’s just. He’s not doing that well at the moment’s the thing. He’s in a bit of a funk.’

‘All the more reason for him to join us. We’re a right laugh!’ Louis exclaims and Zayn snorts, temporarily amused. His expression, however, almost immediately goes back to serious though.

‘I’ll suggest it.’

‘Is he from Campus?’ Louis asks, not willing to give up on finding out the identity of Zayn’s friend.

‘What? Oh. No. I worked with him for a short while. S’name is Harry.’

‘How come you’ve never introduced him to us?’ Liam asks now, he seems to take Zayn’s opening up as permission to ask more questions, questions he’s been dying to ask, Louis knows.

‘He’s just not that much into drinking. Worried that he won’t fit in.’

‘That’s ridiculous!’ Louis is outraged. He prides himself on being open to anyone – well, anyone that is not a dick – and he can’t believe that Zayn wouldn’t tell his friend that, ‘We don’t care about anyone not drinking! We’re the most accepting people since the guy who accepted that his daughter wanted to be a hoover!’

‘I’ve told him that- wait what?’

‘It’s an article I found a while back. It’s very interesting but baffling. I like to think that I could accept anyone for who they are but I think I’d be a bit disappointed if I found out my only daughter’s only wish was to be hoover. It’s just not the life I wanted for her, you know? Anyway. That’s beside the point. Tell your friend to come over!’

Liam is looking at him with his ‘what the hell did I just witness’ expression but Zayn seems to actually consider what Louis said. 

‘I’ll consider it,’ he confirms Louis’ thoughts, ‘but I doubt it would be for a while. He’s not really in a social mood right now.’

‘Fine. I’ll accept that.’ Louis says and Zayn looks surprised.

‘You do?’

‘Under the condition‘ – ‘Of course,’ – ‘that you don’t neglect the friends who’ve been deeply missing you,’ Louis finishes dramatically. Zayn rolls his eyes at his friend’s antics but he can’t suppress the grin that’s forming on his face.

‘I won’t. I promise. And I am sorry. It’s been a couple of stressful weeks,’ he admits.

‘Well, I am happy to announce that for today this place is a stress free zone, so let’s play some FIFA and maybe smoke a little.’

‘Sounds perfect. You got anything here? I can call Caleb otherwise,’ Zayn suggests, Louis can see that he’s desperate to smoke a little and relax.

‘No need, got a new stash the other week but wasn’t really in the mood.’

‘Nice!’

Liam keeps quiet. Louis knows that it’s because he doesn’t smoke himself and although he has given up on telling the two of them to quit doing drugs, no matter how harmless, he isn’t a hundred percent okay with them smoking inside the apartment. He doesn’t say anything though and Louis assumes it’s because Liam knows that he’s been stressed with his thesis and it’s clear that Zayn is also stressed out about his friend. 

They spend the rest of the afternoon on the couch. They started watching stupid YouTube videos that  
Louis and Zayn find a lot funnier than Liam. 

‘I think that duck looks a bit like Pez.’ Zayn states, a thoughtful expression on his face. And while Louis responds with a ‘totally, dude,’ Liam rolls his eyes amused, shakes his head, and sarcastically says ‘you should definitely tell Perrie.’

Zayn eyes light up as though he’s just heard the best idea and he pulls out his phone, aims the camera at the TV and waits a second for the duck to pop up on the screen again. Louis is snickering as he watches Zayn add a message to the picture and send it to Perrie. Another ten minutes of mindless videos pass and then Zayn’s phone rings.

‘Uh-oh. Someone’s not happy,’ Louis laughs, thinking that it’s Perrie who is calling. Zayn, however, seems to get down from his high surprisingly fast as he sees the screen.

‘No, it’s Harry. I gotta take this,’ he says and slides his finger across the screen, ‘H, what’s up?... No it’s fine. … No, I promise it’s fine… I can’t… I can’t understand what you're saying, you need to breathe.’

Louis realises that it’s rude to listen to Zayn but he’s amazed at how soft his voice sounds. In all the years that he’s known Zayn, he’s never heard him speak so gently. Louis tears his eyes away from Zayn to look at Liam. Liam is also listening, although he is being more polite about it. He, at least, pretends to be preoccupied with his phone but the way his head is tilted towards Zayn tells Louis that he’s just as curious.

‘Slow down, H, breathe. It’s gonna be fine, yeah? … It is. … I’m coming over now… No, don’t worry, I was on my way out anyway… I promise.’ Zayn gives Louis and Liam an apologetic look, clearly worried that this will reignite the discussion from earlier but Louis and Liam both smile at him reassuringly. He turns his attention back to Harry.

‘No, babe. That’s not true. … I will. … Good. Just try to relax, yeah? … You’re doing so well. … Alright, is it fine if I hang up? … Good, I’ll be there in around 15. … Yeah, you too,’ and with that Zayn hangs up the phone and slides it back in his pocket. He closes his eyes, takes a deep breath and lets it out again. There’s a bit of an awkward silence between the boys until Zayn clears his throat.

‘Well, I guess I’ll be heading out,’ he concludes and gets up. Liam and Louis do the same.

‘This seems a bit like a dumb question but … I mean, is he alright?’ Liam asks. Zayn gives him a weak smile.

‘Not right now, no.’

‘It just, it seems like a bit more than him being in a funk is all.’

‘Yeah. It is,’ Zayn admits, ‘but I can’t talk about it. I really gotta go. Thanks so much for the pancakes and, yeah, the company. I promise we’ll do this again soon.’

‘Soon,’ Liam repeats with a nod.

‘Yeah. And without the weed.’ Zayn reassures Liam, gives the both of them a quick hug and then he’s out the door leaving both Liam and Louis in a slightly confused but worried state.


	3. Chapter 3

Louis is sitting in a little café close to his flat. He had been determined to work on his thesis when he left this morning but it’s already past twelve and he’s only skimmed two sources. If he’s being completely honest it’s not even two sources it’s two chapters from the same book but they’re written by different people so it might as well be two sources. Louis really needs to stop making excuses. Even though his discipline has been nowhere near acceptable, he reasons it’s time for a break because even though he hasn’t been doing anything for the past twenty minutes or so he wasn’t actually in the mind set of having a break. Instead he was just feeling guilty about not working. So a proper break is what he needs and it’s lunch time anyway and working while eating has probably been proven scientifically to not be effective. ‘What was that about not making excuses?’ Louis thinks to himself but as soon as the thought enters his mind he shrugs it off again. 

Before he gets up to order something he decides to text Zayn and see whether he wants to join for lunch. Zayn lives quite close, too, and Louis hasn’t really seen him since they had pancakes and smoked. Zayn’s response is immediate, telling him that he’s with Harry. Louis is still typing his response saying that he understands when the next message comes in. Zayn is apparently trying to convince Harry to join. A minute later the next message comes through, they are on their way, ‘10 minutes tops.’ Louis puts his phone away. He is a bit surprised that Harry is apparently fine with joining due to what little Zayn has told him and Liam about his friend. Mostly, however, he’s curious to finally meet this person who Zayn has been so mysterious about. He opens Facebook while waiting and impatiently scrolls through his timeline, looking mostly at memes and videos.

He sees Zayn and Harry arrive through the window. Louis doesn’t know what he was expecting but Harry catches him off guard. He looks quite a bit younger than both him and Zayn. He is around Zayn’s height, his shoulders are slightly hunched. His face looks impassive apart from his eyes that are carefully taking in their surroundings. He is almost as good looking as Zayn and that is probably the biggest compliment you could give to anyone. Louis watches curiously how Harry changes his position from next to Zayn to behind him when they get closer to the door, but not without looking behind himself first. Louis is already fascinated by this person.

The door opens with a small _ring _and Zayn walks to the table Louis is sitting at without really having to look. It’s possible that Louis comes here a bit too often.__

‘Louis! What’s up? Good to see you, man,’ Zayn greets, then point behind him at Harry, ‘this is Harry. Harry, this is the infamous Louis Tomlinson.’ Harry gives him a small smile and an even smaller wave, one that doesn’t even go above his hips. Louis would’ve missed it if Zayn hadn’t stepped aside to sit down, prompting Harry to do the same.

‘Hi! Pleasure to finally meet you!’ Louis says brightly. Harry on the other hand looks a bit shocked and turns his head toward Zayn, whispering something in his ear. Louis can’t hear what he says but he can hear Zayn’s reassurance ‘just that you exist, babe’ in the same soft voice that he had heard over the phone. It’s also the second time he has heard Zayn use the word ‘babe’ on anyone other than Perrie. So many questions are popping into his head but it’s very clear that he shouldn’t ask any of them. At least not now. He’s a bit proud of himself. He’s going to tell Liam about this when he gets home. He won’t ever accept anyone saying that he isn’t a tactful person ever again. 

‘Thesis?’ Zayn asks, clearly trying to steer the attention away from the awkward opening. Louis complies.

‘Yeah. Well. Kind of. I mean. Not really, to be honest,’ Louis eloquently states.

‘Dude, there’s like five books on the table and your laptop and your notebook and I can see more books in your bag,’ Zayn laughs but Louis just groans.

‘I know!’ he whines, ‘I thought that if I took everything I could just choose where to start and I couldn’t make any more excuses.’

‘But?’

‘But, as it turns out, I’m really _good _at making excuses. Anyway. It’s break time now and I’m hungry, so I’m gonna get something. What do you guys want?’__

Zayn tells him to get a sandwich, ‘any kind, just surprise me, you know what I like,’ and a black coffee. He also tells Louis to get a cup of tea for Harry, ‘fruity.’

‘Nothing to eat for you then, Harold?’ Louis asks the boy and Harry’s head shoots up. He looks at Louis with wide eyes, a deer caught in the headlights, clearly surprised that Louis addressed him.

‘It’s… it’s Harry,’ he says softly but doesn’t say anything else.  


‘He can have some of my sandwich, it’s fine,’ Zayn says and Louis does his best to hide his shock. Out of all of them, Zayn is probably the least likely to share food. Everyone always jokes that it’s Niall but strictly speaking that is not true. Niall just eats very fast, so usually when it gets to the point of sharing, he is already done. If it comes to offering and willingness to share food, however, Niall is on the top of that list because ‘everyone should eat the amazing things that I eat.’ Zayn is a whole different story. On more than one occasion Perrie has complained about Zayn’s lack of sharing abilities. She thinks it stems from the fact that Zayn has siblings and as a child it was always first come first serve. Louis definitely agrees with that, he himself is also not great on sharing food. 

‘Alright,’ Louis says, ‘Coffee, Tea, and Sandwich coming up.’

He declines the help that Zayn offers and walks to the counter to order. Seeing all this food makes him realise how hungry he actually is and he happily receives a sandwich and a piece of pie for himself as well as a mozzarella chicken sandwich for Zayn – and apparently Harry. When he gets back to the table, Zayn and Harry are quietly conversing. Everything with this boy seems quiet, the exact opposite of Louis. 

Zayn and Harry thank him as he puts down the food and beverages and the three of them fall silent for a while, starting on their food. It turns out that when Zayn said he’d give Harry _some _of his sandwich he meant _half _and Louis is once again baffled. He shakes the surprise of and turns his attention to Harry.____

‘So, what do you do, Harry?’ he asks, trying to keep his voice as light as possible cause this kid definitely seems like he’s easily overwhelmed.

‘I, uh, I’m kinda in between, uh, things right now?’ Harry says but his voice goes up at the end making it sound like a question. If this was any other person Louis would immediately jump on that but – again – he is tactful, so instead he nods.

‘Cool, any ideas what you wanna do?’

‘Uhm. No, not really. I mean. I would like to-‘ Harry begins but abruptly stops himself, ‘I don’t know yet,’ he says instead. Louis frowns slightly but lets it go. 

The rest of the conversation is mostly dominated by Louis and Zayn, Harry only speaking when directly addressed. He doesn’t seem too uncomfortable, though, so Louis assumes that it’s fine. They talk about Zayn’s job – he finished university last year and is now interning at a gallery for modern art. He’s always wanted to exhibit his own work, Louis knows that, but as far as jobs for ‘fresh out of university’ art majors go, he’s found a pretty neat deal. They move from Zayn’s job to Louis’ thesis and Louis whines about his regret in choosing Eliot’s _Waste Land _as primary text because ‘literally _anything _would have been easier.’ Zayn just shakes his head and then, to everyone’s surprise, including Harry’s probably, Harry speaks up.____

‘I like _the Waste Land _.’__

Zayn smiles softly, as though he knew that Harry would sooner or later start to warm up to Louis. ‘Yeah?’ he asks, ‘I’ve never actually read it,’ he confesses. Harry shrugs, clearly uncertain about whether or not he should say anything else. Louis quickly jumps in.

‘Awesome! Finally someone outside my studies who has read the full thing. Which part do you like best?’ he asks and for a second it doesn’t look like Harry will respond, it seems like he’s fighting with himself. In the end, he does answer, ‘I like Part four.’

‘Interesting choice, I’ve always enjoyed _a Game of Chess _more, but I can see the appeal.’__

Harry then – almost cautiously – asks him what exactly his thesis is about and Louis happily explains it to him in great detail. Zayn gets up at some point to get new drinks but Louis thinks he does it because he doesn’t want to listen to Louis ramble on about his ideas on modernism and barren environments anymore. When Zayn returns Louis is kind enough to change the topic, asking Zayn what he is working on at the moment. To his surprise Zayn admits that he hasn’t actually worked on anything in a while because he’s been busy. 

‘What? What are you so busy with that you can’t spare any time?’ Louis laughs in disbelieve but Zayn just shrugs.

‘Dunno, maybe I’m also just missing some inspiration,’ Zayn says with a kind of finality to his voice. Apparently Zayn’s lack of artistic expression is a touchy topic for him, Louis thinks, but when he turns to look at Harry he puts one and one together. Harry is looking at his drink, avoiding eye contact at all cost and seems to be hoping for the ground to swallow him whole. So that’s why Zayn doesn’t have time to paint. He looks back at Zayn, who clearly realised that Louis solved the puzzle and gives a weak smile. 

‘I thought Perrie was your muse,’ Louis tries to lighten the mood and adds dramatically, ‘she must be devastated.’ 

Zayn laughs, ‘she would be if she wasn’t so busy setting up an empire.’

‘Ah, yes, strong women, they don’t need to be anyone’s muse.’

It seems to work because, even though Harry is still looking down, there is a small smile gracing his features. They fall back into conversation for a while, with Louis and Zayn easily bantering and Harry trying to hide his amusement at the two. When they finish their drinks, Zayn looks at Harry. Harry’s been quiet for a while now, Louis notes.

‘Alright, mate, I think we’re gonna leave you to your thesis again,’ Zayn says and Louis can’t suppress a groan.

‘Why would you do this to me?’ he asks and Zayn easily counters, ‘Not _to _you, _for _you!’____

‘Fine, if that makes you feel better,’ Louis grumpily responds. Zayn gets up and puts on his jacket, Harry copies him quietly.

‘Good luck, Lou.’  


‘Thanks. Enjoy your afternoon. And, Harry, it was a pleasure meeting you! Feel free to distract me from my thesis more often!’ Louis grins and the younger boy smiles back at him softly.

‘Thanks, you too. Good luck,’ his voice is still hesitant and very soft but Louis hopes that Harry will warm up to him and his other friends, he seems like a good guy. 

After Zayn and Harry are gone Louis opens his laptop again, grabs the book he was reading and moves to the next chapter in the index that seems useful. He skims it for five minutes, decides that it’s not something he can do anything with and puts it away again. He opens his browser and starts looking for new sources. After twenty minutes of searching the university library website, he has found three more printed books that he’s made reservations for and has opened at least fifteen tabs worth of online sources. He tells himself that if he can go through one of the online sources the day will have been productive and he can go home, so he does exactly that. Louis has no idea how he is ever going to finish his thesis.


	4. Chapter 4

Louis has locked himself in the bathroom and is trying to blow-dry a copy of _Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone _while Liam is shouting curse words in every order and without an end in sight through the door. Louis has no idea how it got to this point. Actually, that’s a lie, Louis knows exactly how it got to this point but he also knows that it’s his fault and he’d rather not claim responsibility for this one, so going with having no idea seems easier. In truth, though, he probably just ruined Liam’s favourite book and comfort read because he was too lazy to clean the place properly. Zayn is coming over in a bit but that’s not all, he’s bringing _Harry _. Which is a huge deal, according to Louis. Liam just sort of went with it and told Louis that he should probably clean their tiny flat then, make a good impression and all that. Louis had agreed but, being the master of procrastination he is, started way to late, panicked and ended up spilling dish water all over the counter and, as it turned out, Liam’s favourite book. He wonders how long he can hide out in the bathroom and whether or not Zayn will help him when he arrives. Probably not, he reasons, Zayn is also a massive Harry Potter fan – though that might just be because ‘Evanna Lynch _gets _me.’ Louis is taken out of his thought process when Liam starts yelling a renewed combination of profanities at him, requesting him to kindly remove himself from the bathroom vicinities (he has become quite good at paraphrasing, Louis thinks to himself).______

______‘Never!’ he shouts back through the door, the blow-dryer still in his hands working its magic, or at least Louis likes to think that he’s actually doing something that works._ _ _ _ _ _

______‘Louis, I swear to God, if you don’t come out now I’m gonna decapitate Mr Scruffles!’ Liam yells and – no. There is no way Liam would ever do that. He just couldn’t. He wouldn’t. Louis’ silence is probably telling Liam that he’s won, because the next thing he yells is ‘I’m going to your room right now.’ It’s all Louis needs to open the door. He pushes past Liam and barricades his bedroom door. He’s got the book in his hand and he can still hear the blow-dryer going off in the bathroom but he doesn’t care. His eyes are wide in anticipation of what Liam will do next._ _ _ _ _ _

______‘Show me,’ Liam demands and Louis tentatively hands over the book. It’s not entirely ruined – at the very least it’s still in one piece. Liam inspects it carefully, making sure that he doesn’t accidentally rip one of the wet pages and Louis guiltily awaits the verdict. After a minute or so Liam looks up at him again._ _ _ _ _ _

______‘I’m really, really sorry, Liam. I didn’t see it and I didn’t realise the water would go over the entire countertop. I’ll make it up to you, I promise!’ Louis blurts out before Liam can even say anything._ _ _ _ _ _

______‘Laundry for two months without whining,’ he tells Louis and Louis nods, eyes wide._ _ _ _ _ _

______‘You got it,’ he says eagerly._ _ _ _ _ _

______‘And clean up the mess now.’_ _ _ _ _ _

______Louis does as he is told, moving to the kitchen to clean up the mess he created before. However, he has barely started when the doorbell rings and he curses under his breath. He had forgotten about Zayn and Harry. He hears Liam walk to the door to open it and desperately tries to get the mess under control. It only works to a small extent but Louis will just finish it later. He throws one last look at the mess and then leaves the kitchen to greet their guests. Zayn and Harry are just coming through the door when he gets there, Harry, again, following right behind Zayn, his eyes downcast. Louis can’t stop looking and he can’t stop wondering what is up with him._ _ _ _ _ _

______‘Liam, mate! Good to see you,’ Zayn says with a smile, he then nods once toward Louis and focuses his attention to Harry._ _ _ _ _ _

______‘This is Harry, Harry, this is Liam,’ Zayn introduces the two and Louis puts his hands on his hips._ _ _ _ _ _

______‘How come he doesn’t get an infamous?’ he says, pretending to be offended._ _ _ _ _ _

______‘Because I’m not a menace. Did you clean the kitchen?’ Liam asks and Louis wants to retort that he only had like ten seconds to do so but then he remembers that he destroyed Liam’s book and he bites his tongue. Zayn, however, does not let go that easily. He looks up from where he was taking off his shoes and looks at Louis with surprise._ _ _ _ _ _

______‘You’re cleaning? What happened? Are we being punk’d?’ Zayn pretends to search for hidden cameras, he’s funny like that._ _ _ _ _ _

______Louis looks at Liam to answer Zayn’s question but Liam just looks right back at him with raised eyebrows._ _ _ _ _ _

______‘Yeah, Louis. What happened?’ he asks innocently and Louis purses his lips and mumbles ‘I ruined Liam’s book.’_ _ _ _ _ _

______‘You ruined his book?’ Zayn asks, moving toward the living room with Harry following quietly. It seems as though he’s trying to make as little sound as possible. ‘Which one?’_ _ _ _ _ _

______Louis groans, ‘First Harry Potter.’_ _ _ _ _ _

______To his surprise he hears a sharp intake of breath from Harry who, upon action, immediately covers his mouth and blushes. Louis wants to think that this almost made it worth it, ruining Liam’s book, but he knows that that is far from the truth. He still enjoys getting a reaction from Harry._ _ _ _ _ _

______‘At least Harry seems to understand how serious this is!’ Liam exclaims and sits down on one of the chairs. Zayn and Harry have taken the couch, sitting so close to each other that it looks as though Zayn is swallowing Harry up._ _ _ _ _ _

______‘Hey! I understand, too! I didn’t do it on purpose, and I tried to save it,’ Louis says, remaining the only one standing. He’s not quite sure whether he’s forgiven yet, also considering that all this didn’t even happen half an hour ago. Liam looks at him for a bit but then decides that it’s not worth holding a grudge, bless his heart. He smiles and Louis sits down, relieved that he’ll be able to make it up to Liam._ _ _ _ _ _

______‘Do you want to drink something?’ Liam then asks and Zayn asks for a glass of water._ _ _ _ _ _

______‘Anything for you, Harry?’ Harry looks surprised that he’s been offered something and, maybe in a moment of sheer panic, shakes his head no. Liam gets up to get a few bottles of water so there’s enough for all of them in case Harry changes his mind._ _ _ _ _ _

______‘How’ve you been?’ Louis asks Harry while Liam is in the kitchen. Harry shrugs and pulls a face – although Louis has the suspicion that this is Harry trying to smile, so he smiles back. After that very short lived exchange, the three of them stay silent until Liam sits back down, placing the bottles on the table._ _ _ _ _ _

______‘So, Harry, it’s good to meet you! How old are you, by the way?’ Liam asks and Louis wants to groan because this is just so Liam, making it sound like a mix between a job interview and twenty questions. So he wants to groan but he doesn’t because secretly he’s also curious as to how old Harry is._ _ _ _ _ _

______‘Uhm… I’m uh, I just turned nineteen,’ he says hesitantly and Louis thinks about this for a while. The thing is, when he first saw Harry he thought he was around seventeen but now hearing that he’s actually nineteen is also weird cause it’s still younger than what he thought Zayn would be able to click with. Most of Zayn’s friends are older than him such as Louis and Liam, he isn’t really close to anyone younger than him apart from Niall but that age difference is only half a year. Harry, however, is four years younger than Zayn, making him five years younger than Louis. Before Louis can think more about it, though, Liam is already asking the next questions._ _ _ _ _ _

______‘You know each other from work, right? You work at the gallery, too?’_ _ _ _ _ _

______‘Oh. Uhm, no. We used to work together at _el Gusto _,’ Harry answers but he looks so obviously uncomfortable with being questioned. He’s playing with the hem of his shirt, not really looking anyone in the eye. Louis is surprised that Liam is still continuing the questioning.___ _ _ _ _ _

________‘You still work there, then?’ he asks and Harry draws in a slightly shaky breath, wiping his hands on in trousers before going back to playing with his hem. He pushes a bit further into Zayn as though he truly wants to be swallowed up by him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________‘No. I uhm quit before Zayn did actually’_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________‘What is this, mate? Twenty questions?’ Louis asks with a laugh, trying to make light of the awkward conversation Liam has been having with Harry. Liam looks between Louis and Harry for a second, a small apologetic smile gracing his features, shakes his head and says that he’s sorry because ‘you’re right Louis’ – and those are words Louis does not hear often from Liam’s mouth, so he’ll cherish them. Louis can see Harry relax slightly and throws him a reassuring smile that Harry more or less reciprocates._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________‘Anyone up for a movie?’ he asks and everyone seems to like the idea so Liam gets his phone out with the carefully constructed list of movies him and Louis still need to watch. It’s mostly pretty big movies that they somehow missed in the theatres and then forgot about._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________‘Alright, on top of the list we’ve got _Black Swan _, any takers?’___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Louis does not want to be the one to make this decision, so he looks at Zayn and Harry. Zayn is also looking at Harry when he says, ‘not really in the mood. How about something a bit lighter?’ and Louis makes a mental note to avoid scary movies. Or movies with ballet? Or swans? He’s not entirely sure what Harry’s issue with the movie might be, but he makes a mental note nonetheless._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Liam nods and goes back to the list._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________‘Do you just wanna have a look? Louis and I are fine with basically anything on this list anyway,’ he then says and Louis could kiss him because this should avoid any awkward moments. Liam hands over the phone to Zayn, who holds it so that Harry can also see._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________‘Whatever you feel like, babe,’ he whispers, so low and gentle that Louis would have missed it if it weren’t for Harry blushing lightly in answer. He looks at Liam to see whether he also noticed the small exchange but Liam is looking at his book. Louis feels a pang of guilt as he watches Liam get up and put the book on the radiator. He’ll find a way to make up for it. Harry and Zayn end up choosing _Merida _, because ‘how the hell have neither of you seen this yet?’ and Louis opens the movie on his laptop which he then connects to the TV. While he sets everything up, Liam gets up to make popcorn and Zayn excuses himself to the loo. Louis can see a physical change in Harry the second Zayn has left the room. He seems more attentive, his back straight and tense but still as though he wants to make himself as small as possible. He has stopped playing with his hem, instead he’s sitting on his hands and he is looking down at his lap.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________‘So,’ Louis starts – probably too loudly cause he is desperate to not let the mood slip into awkwardness again – and Harry visibly flinches, surprised. Louis looks apologetic (though Harry doesn’t see that because his eyes are still downcast) but continues anyway, ‘You like _the Waste Land _and _Harry Potter _? Do you read a lot, then?’ It’s a stupid conversation starter, Louis knows, but it’s the first thing that pops into his head. It takes Harry a couple of seconds to respond, but he does._____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________‘Yeah. I like reading,’ he says softly._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________‘What’s your favourite book of all time?’ Louis asks, genuinely curious. He lets himself fall into his chair again, the movie ready on the screen, waiting to be played._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________‘Uhm. Depends on the mood. But probably _Dorian Gray _?’ it sounds like a question. Louis eyes light up in surprise and leans slightly forward in his chair.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________‘Even chapter eleven?’ he asks jokingly and now it’s Harry’s turn to be astonished._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________‘You’ve read it?’ he asks almost eagerly. His voice is still soft but for the first time he doesn’t seem to be second guessing whether or not he should say something. There is a slight light in his eyes that Louis hadn’t seen before. He likes it._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________‘Have I read it? My dear Harold, I study literature. I can’t believe you would even ask me such a question!’ Louis makes sure to keep his tone light, so that Harry knows that he’s a hundred percent joking._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________‘Yeah, I guess that was a stupid question,’ Harry admits but Louis just laughs._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________‘I think you just asked it to distract form the question I asked you. You don’t want to admit that chapter eleven is a drag.’_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________‘I don’t know,’ he says with a slight blush, ‘I can understand the need to distract yourself from something with new obsessions’_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________Louis wants to ask what kind of things Harry obsesses about, what his latest obsession is, he also wants to know what Harry needs distracting from but at that moment Zayn re-enters the living room and Louis feels that the moment between him and Harry is gone. He leans back into his chair and locks eyes with Harry for a second, a mutual understanding passes between them._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


End file.
